Archive | February, 2011

I put pictures in this one. Shit just got real.

25 Feb

Originally posted at Three Blog Night.


I’m doing a thing. It’s on Saturday. I’m being sponsored for doing a thing on Saturday. “What thing are you being sponsored to do on Saturday?” I hear you ask. “It’s really rude to interrupt me with questions when I haven’t even finished writing,” you hear me answer, which is awkward, because you weren’t supposed to hear that. I don’t really know how that happened. We’re not even in the same room.

Hitchhiking. I’m hitchhiking, and I’m hitchhiking with my friends Conor and Yasha because they’re quite big and male and so will reduce the risk of me getting kidnapped, and also because I guess their personalities are tolerable, a little bit, maybe. But mostly just the first thing. We’re taking part in Oxford LOST, where a load of us are gonna get shoved into a coach, driven to an unknown location 100 miles away and then forced to find our way back without spending any money. By hitchhiking. Yasha showed me this:


There’s a pretty good chance that we could end up in the sea. There’s a smaller, but more frightening, chance that we could end up in Ipswich. You should sponsor us so that if we get kidnapped/drown/get dropped off in Ipswich, you’ll feel less guilty!

Our team is called Mostly Harmless because we are gigantanerds, and the money that we raise goes to charity. Initially, we thought that all of the money was going to Shelter, but it’s actually being split between 4 charities: Shelter, Helen & Douglas House, Pathway Workshop and Emerge Global. I’ve supported Shelter and Helen & Douglas House for a while now; Shelter does incredible work to provide support for the homeless and those in need of adequate housing or in risk of losing their homes, and Helen and Douglas House is a charity with two hospice houses in Oxford that provides care for children and young people with life-shortening conditions, as well as support for their families. Pathway Workshop and Emerge Global are two charities that I’ve only recently become aware of, and they’re amazing. Pathway Workshop basically provides training and then paid employment for adults that have disabilities, and Emerge Global helps young Sri Lankan women who have survived abuse to develop their confidence and self-sufficiency through jewellery design. I’ve linked to all of their websites so you can read more about them or find out how to get involved if you want to. Which you do. Sure you do.

We have until the end of term (March 10th) to get sponsorship, and so far we’ve raised £347, which I think is ridiculous – when Conor, Yasha and I first decided that we wanted to do this about 3 weeks ago, we weren’t even sure that we’d be able to raise the minimum £70 sponsorship each. We hit our first target of £210 within a week and almost all of that came through online donations. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m pretty stoked that you guys have been so generous. If you have sponsored us, then thanks so much. If you haven’t, do! Or, y’know, don’t. It’s okay. But even a couple of quid will make a difference, so if you can donate anything then that would be ace. Also, I made the team picture that’s on our JustGiving page, so if charity isn’t your thing and you don’t want to sponsor us, commission me to design professional graphics for your website!

I'm a fucking artist.

So, that’s how I’m spending my Saturday. I hope I’m only spending my Saturday doing that. We might never come back. We’ve never hitchhiked before, so I have no idea what our hitchhiking skills are like. Undeveloped, I guess. Last year one team raised £1500 and managed to get a lift in a light aircraft. I’ll be honest, we probably won’t be able to do either of these things. But I’m pretty excited. It should be fun. I hope it doesn’t rain. I bet it’ll rain. Everyone should double their sponsorship if it rains.

Did I give you guys the link?

I can’t remember whether I gave you guys the link or not.

I should probably give you guys the link.

Here it is:

BYE! x


You probably don’t want to read this.

14 Feb

Originally posted at Three Blog Night.

Hello! I wrote this for my college newsletter. Like everything that I create, it’s pretty terrible, but it was accidentally maimed by the editor during formatting so I’m posting it up here so that my friends who read it in print can see it in its full horror. My funnier, smarter friend Conor wrote a much better piece for it. You should read his blog.

Valentine’s Day, which was first conceived in 1967 as a national holiday celebrating the work of Irish singer Val Doonican according to this Wikipedia page that I just edited, can be pretty hard. For single people, it can act as a constant, glaring reminder of how sad, miserable and lonely their lives are. For people that aren’t single, it can act as a constant, glaring reminder of how sad, miserable and long their lives will be if the relationship works out and they have to go through the whole thing every year until they die. In an effort to make things easier, I’ve written some tips that I think will improve February 14th for everyone!

  1. No more roses. Roses are covered in tiny dangerous knives! Nothing says “I have not thoroughly considered the potential ramifications of my gift” like a rose. If you’re into the whole plant thing, why not give your loved one a potato? Everyone loves potatoes, and if your valentine has the misery of their single friends on their conscience then they can donate it to one of them because potatoes are perfect for yet another lonely meal for one!
  2. Either your valentine is too old for teddy bears clutching pink hearts that say “Be mine”, or you’re doing something illegal. I recommend taxidermy as an alternative. Not only will this demonstrate your commendable maturity, but this way, no matter how cold and devoid of feeling the eyes of your valentine might be whilst you’re trying to make conversation over dinner, they will always be warmer and more loving than those of the dead badger sitting on the mantelpiece beside you.
  3. Sometimes, things go wrong, and you realise that it is important that your valentine knows about these things, but you don’t want to upset them on such a special day. So tell them in a poem! Who said that honesty and romance were mutually exclusive? Nobody! That question was rhetorical! Here is an example:
    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I slept with your sister.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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