Archive | April, 2011

The prize-winning writer Heather Stevens.

15 Apr

Originally posted at Three Blog Night.

Hey you guys! I won a prize for my last blog post! I am a prize-winning writer! Like Jay Kay Jamiroquai Rowling!

I won two £5 ice cream vouchers. It was the first prize for “best Oxford Lost blog post”. Probably also “only Oxford Lost blog post”. Also, technically the whole team won it, even though I wrote the blog post. I won it on their behalf. I will also consume £10’s worth of ice cream on their behalf.

I’ve never won anything before. Actually, that’s a lie. When I was 10 I won a chocolate Easter egg for giving the best class presentation about volcanoes. I even built a paper-mâché volcano to use as a prop. I think I might have been in a pair with Matt, but equally I might have made that up. It was either Matt or a boy called Saul who I used to be best friends with until I called him a girl and he flashed his willy at me. It was quite a strong counterargument. Apart from that, though, I’ve never won anything before, although my mum once won £25 in a local newspaper competition because in her entry she propositioned the editor. So I’m working my way up to that.

I guess that now I’m a prize-winning writer you’ll want to know more about my life and that, because not everyone knows what it’s like to be a prize-winning writer. I’m not in Oxford anymore. I’ve been not in Oxford anymore since March 11th. March 11th was the day before I became a prize-winning writer. It’s weird, looking back and seeing how different everything was. I go back to Oxford in about 2 weeks, and then I have exams that I haven’t worked hard enough for. I have worked pretty hard. The main reason that I haven’t written anything in the last month is that I haven’t really done anything worth writing about, like going outside, because I’ve been working for my exams. But I haven’t worked hard enough, because this is Oxford, and my tutors won’t think that I’ve worked hard enough until my brain has started bleeding out of my ears. More positively: I’ve managed to find a project! At the end of last year I wrote that I’d spent most of my first term failing to find a project. But I have totally gone and found a project. I’m doing a palaeontology project, partly as a fuck you to Richard Leakey, and partly because I really dig fossils.

God, I hope you all saw what I just did there, because that was really beautiful.

Hey, guess what I am!

Guess what I am!


Actually, I tell you what, I have done one thing of note since my last blog post. I went to London again for another Talkfest. I’m not going to write about Talkfest because at this stage I don’t think that Alice Bell or the Biochemical Society would want to be associated with this blog post, and also because Martin Robbins was on the panel and one of the first things that he said was “look past my penis”, so now if I tried to write about it I think I’d really struggle to look past the fact that Martin Robbins said “look past my penis”. Here is a link with a podcast and some other people’s blog posts about it instead.

I’m probably not going to write another post until after my exams, so on MONDAY 18TH AND 25TH APRIL at 9PM put your tellyboxes on to BBC4 because ADAM RUTHERFORD has a new TWO-PART SERIES called THE GENE CODE and it is proper ace and that. He doesn’t masturbate or eat sea urchin jizz in it like he did in his last series, but you should watch it anyway. Seriously, he does this magic trick with sparkly DNA floating out of his hands, you are going to love it.

It’s 5am. I don’t know how this keeps happening.

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